Personal Retreat With God

On Thursday we had a personal spiritual retreat, which means we were given 3 and a half hours to get alone with God wherever and however we desired. As I find it easiest to connect with God while out in His creation and as the weather was perfect, I started out on the dam overlooking the lake. I asked God to make His presence felt and He answered: I could feel it on the cool breeze and in the warm sun on my cheek, hearing it in the sound of the wind, the rustling of leaves and grass, and the songs of birds. I have not felt so fully in the midst of God’s presence in quite some time. It was an amazing time of peace, comfort and joy, as if a burden I didn’t know existed had been lifted from me. If that time was but a glimpse of heaven then I’m ready to go.

After a while I began to pray. I asked the Holy Spirit to intercede (Romans 8:26) and that God would show me my heart. What he revealed was a heart unworthy of my call, one full of fear and hardened by distance from Him. I praised Him for calling me, for calling all of us, despite our unworthiness. I turned over my fears that I will fail, that I will let everyone down, that I will be unable to reach anyone, that I will be seen for who I am and turned away. I asked God to soften my heart, to make it sensitive to His leading, to mold it as clay into a heart seeking Him, loving Him, following Him, sensitive to Him.

After spending some more time in prayer I headed into the woods to explore and marvel at God’s creation. I find it amazing how connected to God I can feel in nature when I am seeking Him. It really speaks to the power and truth of Romans 1:20. I wasn’t praying so much as marveling at the works of His hands, at the series of waterfalls in the creek, at the river, at the colors in the trees, and yet I felt as connected to Him as I do in prayer. Such is the nature of true, pure worship: experiencing His presence and praising Him for it.

I made my way back to a series of small waterfalls in the creek coming off the dam and explored them through the camera lens. I find photography a great way to worship in that it causes one to explore His creation from different angles and perspectives, exploring every minute detail of what He’s made. The camera aids in studying creation in depth, allowing one to see intricacies that otherwise would likely be missed, and in so doing gives one a greater appreciation for what God has made.

After the falls I found a spot on a hill overlooking the lake. I sat down to pray, and God hit me upside the head with a truth that altered my perspective as to why I’m here: I’m not here for me, but rather for God and for the people in Mbarara. I am not here so I can become a better missionary, so I can grow deeper in my relationship with God, so I can fellowship with some of the most incredible believers. Sure, I do get those blessings and many more beyond that, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here so that more people may come to know Him, to be saved, to grow deeper in Christ. I am here so that the work of God may be done with greater effectiveness. So when I waste time it’s not my own I’m wasting. When I lack focus, it is not just to my detriment. If I don’t spend time learning and preparing it is not I who will suffer most for being ill-equipped. It’s not about me. That revelation has increased my sense of urgency and the importance I place on making the most of my time while I’m here, for what I do in Virginia is not for my own benefit but for the eternity of others.