Going It Alone

On Monday Grandma hurt her back. She did so doing something I could have easily done for her, but she had thought that she ought to be able to do it herself and so she didn't call me in to help. She wouldn't to go to the doctor unless she absolutely had to. She insisted on still doing everything herself without any help. All this time I'm thinking "Grandma, why won't you just take a break? Why won't you let anyone help? Why won't you go to the doctor?" Then it hit me: in the same situation, I wouldn't act any differently than she was. After all, last November I hurt my knee playing racquetball, finished out the game, then went to classes, didn't go to the Health Center until my fencing professor told me to, still got around primarily on foot, and still spent whole days standing at work. Or this past summer I sprained my ankle playing basketball, kept playing on a borrowed brace, and didn't take a single day off from climbing around on roofs.

This seemingly illogical behavior stems from a mix of self-reliance and stubbornness that go with being an Essenpreis like cultish devotion to Lassie goes with being an Aggie. And as I sat there thinking that maybe I should be a bit less stubborn and self-reliant when it comes to injury and illness, God took things a step further. "You're not just like that when you're physically hurt," the Spirit whispered to me, "that's how you are in general." And It was right.

Not that I can't work with others, but when it comes to me I don't want to have to rely on anyone else, be it limping around on a sprained ankle, traveling across town, paying bills, or keeping up my spiritual well-being. And that's not right. It's stupid, it's prideful, and it stands counter to scripture. Check out Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 or Proverbs 27:17. The Disciples were sent out in twos, Elijah was given Elisha, Adam was given Eve. The New Testament church is a picture of broken believers holding each other up, praying for each other, encouraging one another, teaching and admonishing one another. I CAN'T get by on my own; I know this and I teach this but I still try and live contrary to it anyway. I've grown a lot in recent years in terms of relying on God, and while I still struggle some in this area, I especially struggle in relying on others. It's like I see it as ok to lean on God but not on others, and that just isn't the way God made us. And I know that in doing so I hold myself back spiritually, that I could grow more and overcome more if only I'd stop hobbling around trying to take care of myself on my own. God really smacked me in the face and woke me up to this fault of mine. I pray that, now aware of what I'm doing, I'm able to change.

(Note: Second photo actually from Ukraine, not Illinois ... southern Illinois has yet to have a hard frost this year, much less snow)