Me Me Me Me Me, And Why I Like Peter

On the flight to St. Louis I was reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz (which, if you haven't read any Donald Miller before, you ought to grab both Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What, some of the most worthwhile reading you'll ever do). While reading part of the book in which Miller discusses his struggles with self-addiction (self-centeredness) I put the book down to ponder how what he wrote applies to me. And into conviction I did step. God really opened my eyes to how much I seek the affirmation of others, to how much I will let what I think others will think of me rule me. It's not a struggle I've been unaware of, but one whose full extent I did not know.

In seeking affirmation from others I am placing their opinion of me above that of God. It can be difficult to do something that may be what God demands but which I think will make others dislike me, which can mean putting what others think of me above both God and others. Worse still, at times in the past I would talk myself into thinking it somehow virtuous to assuage feelings of conviction and guilt.

I have made great strides in this area in recent years, but it was really a major blow to see just how much further I have to go. I spent a couple days (and a couple of late-night walks) thinking, praying, and getting down about it. I wondered if I'd be able to do what I'll need to do in the field, if maybe God was showing me that I need to back out.

He began to assure me that such was not the case. I came to realize that He had revealed this to me that it may be overcome. I had allowed Satan to get into my head, to make me think (once again) that perfection was needed to serve, and God (once again) reminded me that He does not require perfection. God presented me a mountain and I wondered how I would overcome it; then He reminded me that it would be overcome by Him carrying me over it.

This gets me to why I like Peter. Peter was a serious screw-up. From time to time he seemed to get things, but much of the time he was a failure. If I were going to pick someone to be the rock on which I built anything, especially the church, it wouldn't be Peter. But there was one thing Peter had going for him: he stuck out his neck and tried, never afraid to speak up or step out.

Sure he messes up from time to time: even after he receives the Holy Spirit he needs Paul's rebuke (Galatians 2:11). But because Peter goes all-out for Christ he puts himself in the position to be used by God because he leans on an incredible faith. He shows that if we want to be used by God, what God requires of us is not perfection but effort grounded in faith. After all, it's faith that moves mountains, not perfection, and mountains can't be moved without trying.

I like Peter because I can identify with him as a screw up, and I like Peter because he never lets his mess ups get in the way of wholeheartedly living out his faith.